Billy Joel Was Right

When I’m deep inside of me
Don’t be too concerned
I won’t ask for nothin’ while I’m gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Because you’re the only one that I depend on

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

In the days and even weeks after we closed Process Church I did not have a deep desire to do a deep probe of “what may have gone wrong”. In short, I was not looking for honesty. But even in those earliest of days since May 13, 2012, I began to pray words something like the above lyrics. I knew that the honesty of God would include time to grieve and gentleness that no human could muster. I also knew that His honesty would come on both ends. Here’s what I mean by that.

I knew there were (honestly) things that I could have done differently or things that I failed to do that I should have done that were likely causes to the demise of Process Church. The honesty I needed initially though was the honesty that many of you saw and heard me express at the time. The honesty that we had accomplished what we were asked to do. And that those of us who were involved (at every point of the process) would be forever changed because of what we had experienced together.

Only recently have I had the courage for the return trip to God to begin to ask His honesty regarding the ending. Someone (I think it may have been our District Superintendent) wisely said to me that different people require different things in a hindsight rendering of events past. They told me to ask God not what happened, but what He most wanted me to learn from what had happened. That is the path I am on today.